fuzzy logic 3- the power gas station

All of you deserve an Up Yours for your great responses to fuzzy logic 2- we know now what they said about pens and swords aren't true. Remember always that the hand is mightier than the pen and the sword combined.

I want to tell you next about a man I saw at a bookstore sometime ago. Sorry girls, he was neither handsome nor striking- actually I don't recall his face except that he was tall, lanky and reading some mag (maybe porn) in the bookstore. What stuck in my mind was that he had let out a giant mother of a fart in the very crowded bookstore. It was embarrasing listening to it. And because I was standing within spitting distance of him (although I did not spit at him), I wanted so badly to laugh aloud. I wished somebody did just that- people should just politely acknowledge it- it may not be glamorous but farting is a way of life. Everybody farts, even babies (especially babies!). At least it's not one of those silent potent farts you wonder came from who and where that can knock the wind out of you. No! Instead, the people simply looked up from their books, scattered in all directions and returned to their books. As if what they were reading was that engaging. They were definitely pretending to read.

God bless you if you were ever caught in the same predicament as this guy- because contrary to popular belief, the ground will NOT open up and swallow you. You'll be firmly rooted to the ground- so if ever, you leak out the silent killer fart in a social setting- always, and remember always, to feign ignorance. Be oblivious, pretend it didn't exist, deny it vehemently, shake your head vigourously, say it wasn't you, say you've the flu, you can't smell anything- leave the situation ambiguous and act blur. Because if you own up, God bless you again, your friends will never, ever let you forget it. 12 years down the road, they will bring up your phenomenal fart at a gathering, party or maybe even tell your kids- because you see, making you look silly makes THEM, look cool.

If however, it was clearly audible, face the music bravely, own up first and then justify it. Do it like my brother does with a sweeping 'it's very healthy you know, this farting thing.'- Pretend that you're confident enough to laugh at yourself even if deep down, you just want to die. Just pretend- most people can't tell the difference anyway.

I don't know what happened to that poor chap in the bookstore. I'm sure he's still alive and still farting- I wish he'll never have to go through that again. Actually, it's biologically possible to withhold farts- just as one could withhold pee and poo- but maybe because he was reading at the same time- which would require him to multi-task, a skill that is predominantly feminine. Men can't and don't multi-task. it's too complex. If they look like they are, they are as usual, just pretending. Poor guy- there was really no way out for him- he has to live with it and the fact that somewhere, someone, is actually evil enough to blog about him...