Sunday, June 24, 2007
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Mum! Lights are on but nobody's home!
Yesterday browsing at the Borders bookstore, I came upon an interesting title at the counter. It reads 'Everything Men Knows about Women' by some Dr Jack Something. Ahhh...sounds interesting since i think a lot of men secretly knows alot more but like to feign ignorance. Curious, I picked it up only to discover that all the pages are blank....thinking it was some sort of a bad printing error, I was getting ready to alert the cute counter boy. But just to be sure, I picked up a second copy--that was blank too....AND THEN IT HIT ME. (told you the lights weren't on that day). But I had a good laugh nonetheless. Somebody's idea of a joke. Very clever. I really like it....
(Trust all of you have been well. )
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Let's join hands to give a collective middle finger to all the bad drivers in the world
I consider myself quite fortunate to be sitting here and blogging after a car accident last night. Sitting at the rear of my friend's car last evening, we were travelling on the expressway when the car in front of us cut into our lane and stopped sudddenly in the middle of the highway. To avoid hitting him, my friend hit his brake hard only to be knocked hard by the cab behind - subsequently, causing a big pile-up jam for the cars behind.
Of course, as rear passengers you can almost imagine our rattled nerves although very thankfully, we were relatively unscathed otherwise. The boot of my friend's car was quite gone though. It was all crumbled behind and we barely made it through the highway before my friend had to call for the repairs and insurance. To make things worse, the driver (in front) responsible for all that mess sped off in a case of brake-and-run. We took down the car plate number though.
The point is, driving on congested road conditions is stressful as it is without bad driving habits. it's also why i sometimes avoid driving on unfamiliar roads and try to plan my routes in advance. (For the record, I drive my brother's car- Singapore is one of the most expensive places in the world to own a car and I don't plan to pay the government more than i already am) I'm not so much a planner-- but i'll rather do that then get cold feet on the roads. It's not fun at all.
I think if drivers work towards a safer and more considerate road culture, accidents and road rage (again a growing trend) can be greatly reduced. Alot of road accidents are entirely preventable-- you'll agree there are 101 better ways to die. But before that, here's a middle finger to all the bad drivers out there and a double for the car infront of us last night.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
fuzzy logic 5-excuse me, am i in the right place or is this an office?
Do they stop to check their reflection halfway through a report or do they stare at themselves while working? Whichever way, your reflection is unlikely to have changed from the time you left home and reached the office. This is a puzzling phenomenon. The thought of using a mirror as a spying tool however, is worth contending. Imagine you can use a mirror to check on the colleague on your left and on your right, or your boss when he's striding along the corridor- and if you are a guy, you can put it on the floor and wait for your hot boss in hot skirt to pass by, all without having even to turn your head.
Question: Why do people stuff their desks with soft toys, cushions, key chains and all things cuddly? A desk is a desk. It'll not turn into a bed no matter how stuffed it is. Unfortunately.
Question: Why do people stack piles and piles of documents and files on their desks? While I think it creates a false atmosphere of busyness and importance, it can be a great way to barricade yourself out of sight with the Great Wall of Files and Documents and maybe even from that sleazy spy with the pink fluffy mirror.
Monday, October 30, 2006
born on the 31st of Oct
HAPPY HALLOWEEN....AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! haha...2 dozen years old and still hopelessly SHAMELESS! Nat, you're shameless! My mother said my birth was a trick. I was born to scare. How could that be? Try telling her she's wrong. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! It's a treat positively. It's my mother's gift to the world and beyond.
Happy Halloween people- have a blasting good time!!!
Friday, October 27, 2006
fuzzy logic 4- What the fuck did he just say?
I rehearsed that word in my mind for weeks and fantasized about the day that my teacher would ask the class who knew how to spell MONOCHLOROPHOSOPHATE or maybe ask who knew what it was. of course, in my fantasy-and fantasy was made up of different stuff then- i would be the one to shoot my hand and spell out the sacred word while the rest of the class look upon me in awe. To spell a word like that- wouldn't that just blow their mind?? What else can Nat not spell?
Days, weeks and months passed- and never once did my teacher proached anywhere near the subject. Nobody cared what the hell MONOCHLOROPHOSOPHATE meant. It was a useless word. So there at the tender age of 8 or 9 i learnt my lesson- big words don't matter when no one understands what the fuck it is. My time is really much better off learning vulgarities- at least it is cool, funny and almost always bring my point across. They are far more effective than the useless MONOCHLOROPHOSOPHATE.
Fast forward a dozen more years- in my work and at school i realised to my pride and horror that there are people out there in their 30s who have not yet learnt what a whizkid (ME! ME!) picked up at 8. An ex-colleague once told me how his boss would make everyone sit around the table and search for highly impressive words in a dictionary to include in her business report. She would make her team members sit for hours just finding those words.
My lecturer does that all the time too. He's a word flasher- every so often, he would drop a big-time vocabulary, far bigger than his threshold- pause for effect and then tell the class 'if i'm using too technical a term, let me know so I can explain.' -if it's so technical and he suspects we might not understand it, why use it? I would be far more impressed with someone who can describe complex terms in a layman's language, thank you very much. Luckily for us, no one humored him.
I suspect this is why legal documents are always cluttered with bombastic words- to con people. The idea is to get us lost in a mirage of big, impressive lingo mambo jumbo so that we feel harassed and can't be bothered other than to sign above the dotted line. God I hate lawyers/real estate/financial agents. Their job titles should really be 'conman/cheater/liar/fraudster.
My mother is very clever even if she didnt clock in the hours in school. Her lessoon- never wear a hat too big for your head- had stood the test of time. I wish I could tell that to the business woman, the lecturer and anyone else obsessed with big words they don't understand.
By the way, I came across a new word today called 'fucktard'- i don't know exactly what it means but it sounds very funny and i think it's short for 'fucking retard'- God, that's offensive. It takes a wicked sense of humour to come up with a word like 'fucktard'. what do you think 'fucktard' means?
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
you've changed me
you're an experience
that will not fade
spark in your window
i can get lost
in the sweet song
of your world
look at me
can you come close
can you keep a secret
garden of thoughts
Friday, October 13, 2006
fuzzy logic 3- the power gas station
I want to tell you next about a man I saw at a bookstore sometime ago. Sorry girls, he was neither handsome nor striking- actually I don't recall his face except that he was tall, lanky and reading some mag (maybe porn) in the bookstore. What stuck in my mind was that he had let out a giant mother of a fart in the very crowded bookstore. It was embarrasing listening to it. And because I was standing within spitting distance of him (although I did not spit at him), I wanted so badly to laugh aloud. I wished somebody did just that- people should just politely acknowledge it- it may not be glamorous but farting is a way of life. Everybody farts, even babies (especially babies!). At least it's not one of those silent potent farts you wonder came from who and where that can knock the wind out of you. No! Instead, the people simply looked up from their books, scattered in all directions and returned to their books. As if what they were reading was that engaging. They were definitely pretending to read.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
fuzzy logic 2- the art of sign language
Thanks for all your fucking candid responses to fuzzy logic 1. This goes to show that people who read compassionat are all really 1) sophisticated, 2) funny and 3) selective with their reading materials- indeed all of you will most certainly have a bright future ahead.
People may not be good spellers but they are very creative with vulgar words. just think of the word 'fuck' objectively, i know it's hard but just try- there's the person 'fucker', the adverb 'fucked up' the adjective 'unfuckinglybelievable' - and that's just one word we're talking about. i'm sure if you really crack your head, you'll find one other vulgarity you can do the same to. The next person i talk about bring profanities to a new league and you'll love her for that. I'm sure we've all had friends whom we never had to exchange a word and still feel we are really one and the same--by virtue of osmosis, you effectively read each others' thoughts. The fucking ties that bind.
Mitch (her fake ID so as not to ruin her life) and I have really this weird vibe going. She doesnt talk too much. when word fails her, as they always seem to, she use 'gestures' on me- just to name a few that I've been subjected to-- this includes the 'Up Yours', 'Rise of the Third Finger', 'CB' (don't ask me to explain that, i'll have to shut this down) and some other crude ones we should broadly classify as 'Unmentionables'. So we don't talk too much-- we just use the space between us-- to gestulate profanities at each other. It's like vulgar kungfu and we invent so many new moves Bruce Lee would pay to learn from us. It's very useful because it disarms your opponent without you needing to lose a strand of hair.
Mitch also gestulates at non-living things such as her PC. when she thinks I'm not watching, i'm actually eyeing her from the corner of my eye and i see her giving the PC the 'Rise of the Third Finger' and 'CB'--i always break out laughing when i see her doing that. i think that she has effectively reached the point of no return. Of course, publicly, she's a sweet angel--the one with the doe-eyes who would never kill a fly. Never in a million years will Mitch perform her stunts infront of anyone else. How could she....people will accuse her mother of doing a bad job bringing her up. Tis is socially unacceptable! or the all-time fave- you're a GIRL! But Mitch is really just being herself. She is a small man trapped in a small girl. People should just accept her-alot of warts and all.
(Mitch knows that i've blogged about her and thanked me for glorifying her.)
Monday, September 25, 2006
fuzzy logic-1 (i do not take responsibility of any ill feelings you may develop after reading this)
The other experiment i always wanted to try was to spell all my words wlongly and cee if peeper can slill make cense of my clap. most of the time, they slill do. peeper are reallie smart. some peeper more tlan others but genellary we are all interrigent beings. infact you could have no cense of sperring and slill have peeper unlerstand perfractly what you ar talking about it lenders the written word ledundant.
Finally, the last experiment i wanted to conduct--but i can't anyway because i left the night safari 3 years ago-was to give a really vulgar tram commentary. see i was a tram commentator and i always thought, how nice it would be to just capture the expression of a person when you speak in another tongue-one very different from the way you look.
The commentary would have been something like that: good evening fucking ladies and fucking gentlemen. Welcome to the world's first fucking night safari. Before we began the ride, i've three fucking rules to share with you....Now wouldn't that be original? Or would that be suicidal? But to see that scandulous look on all the guests' face and have that stunning commetary forever embedded in their memories? Priceless. The night safari, by the way, is a great place.
Now, this feels so fucking good it's thereaupetic. Go on. Try this at home.
(Think back now what was the first thought that came into your mind when you heard me talking like that?) Apologies if you fell off the chair reading this-- because the Nat you know is polite to a fault. I'll bet you 2 posts that you've forever changed the way you thought of me--although it took me 2 years to make you believe that i really am a sweet angel. Gee, the things i do in the name of research and experiment).
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Crikey! you are dearly missed!
Watching the marathon tribute to Steve Irwin last night on animal Planet, it finally dawned on me what a great, funny, genuinue and intelligent conservationist he was-in short he was a rare breed. His passion and ethusiasm was so infectious i felt immediately connected to this man- watching him on TV, his larger-than-life persona it really is hard for me, and anyone for that matter, that the great Steve Irwin is dead- even using this word is difficult. Here's a man who really embraced life doing what he loved most while at the same, educating the public in the hope that one day, we could play a role in nature's conservation. He has forever changed the way people thought of animals. There will never be another who can match his personality, his passion and the profound effect he has on animal kingdom and to those who have watched him. Beyond that, he really was a very special man who lived and walked his cause. My most heartfelt condolences go to his wife Terri, his family and those who have worked with him. Carry on his good work and let's keep his spirit alive!
Thursday, August 24, 2006
did you forget to be nice?
Don't forget to be nice today.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Zidane you ironhead and man of steel...
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Calling out to all bloggers and techno-geeks, I would like to hear your opinion on this.
Can I have a quick show of hands how many of you here have heard of mobile blogs- posting entries and pictures via handphones? During my research for blogging, i briefly came across this feature and would like to find out more. I believe mobile blogs are currently available in some countries i.e US but users are still a relatively niche group. Correct me if i'm wrong.
Has anyone ever tried using mobile blogs? What are the pros and cons of such a service? For those of you who have never heard of such a service, is it something you would like? Personally, I don't think I would take so well to the service since my entries are often too long to put thru a mobile phone. But that's just me. I'm still new to this whole concept and I would like to hear more takes on this. That's where YOU come in. Let me know!