fuzzy logic 4- What the fuck did he just say?

At the time when i was in primary school and perfect score for spelling was a trendy thing to do- i was quite into words. I decided one day that I will learn a new word that 1. nobody knew the meaning to, 2. nobody knew how to spell and 3. was at least 3 syllable long. so that was a morning and as i was brushing my teeth, i saw that word in front of me- on the toothpaste tube- under 'ingredients' was the spectacular word- MONOCHLOROPHOSOPHATE- and hence was the birth of the new secret word that only I knew how to spell and understood.

I rehearsed that word in my mind for weeks and fantasized about the day that my teacher would ask the class who knew how to spell MONOCHLOROPHOSOPHATE or maybe ask who knew what it was. of course, in my fantasy-and fantasy was made up of different stuff then- i would be the one to shoot my hand and spell out the sacred word while the rest of the class look upon me in awe. To spell a word like that- wouldn't that just blow their mind?? What else can Nat not spell?

Days, weeks and months passed- and never once did my teacher proached anywhere near the subject. Nobody cared what the hell MONOCHLOROPHOSOPHATE meant. It was a useless word. So there at the tender age of 8 or 9 i learnt my lesson- big words don't matter when no one understands what the fuck it is. My time is really much better off learning vulgarities- at least it is cool, funny and almost always bring my point across. They are far more effective than the useless MONOCHLOROPHOSOPHATE.

Fast forward a dozen more years- in my work and at school i realised to my pride and horror that there are people out there in their 30s who have not yet learnt what a whizkid (ME! ME!) picked up at 8. An ex-colleague once told me how his boss would make everyone sit around the table and search for highly impressive words in a dictionary to include in her business report. She would make her team members sit for hours just finding those words.

My lecturer does that all the time too. He's a word flasher- every so often, he would drop a big-time vocabulary, far bigger than his threshold- pause for effect and then tell the class 'if i'm using too technical a term, let me know so I can explain.' -if it's so technical and he suspects we might not understand it, why use it? I would be far more impressed with someone who can describe complex terms in a layman's language, thank you very much. Luckily for us, no one humored him.

I suspect this is why legal documents are always cluttered with bombastic words- to con people. The idea is to get us lost in a mirage of big, impressive lingo mambo jumbo so that we feel harassed and can't be bothered other than to sign above the dotted line. God I hate lawyers/real estate/financial agents. Their job titles should really be 'conman/cheater/liar/fraudster.

My mother is very clever even if she didnt clock in the hours in school. Her lessoon- never wear a hat too big for your head- had stood the test of time. I wish I could tell that to the business woman, the lecturer and anyone else obsessed with big words they don't understand.

By the way, I came across a new word today called 'fucktard'- i don't know exactly what it means but it sounds very funny and i think it's short for 'fucking retard'- God, that's offensive. It takes a wicked sense of humour to come up with a word like 'fucktard'. what do you think 'fucktard' means?