Back!

cheers people! it's been a while....!

Mum! Lights are on but nobody's home!

The last time I blogged was almost 2-3 months ago. I have no excuses--although the blogger.com ban at my current workplace is a large contributing factor. The past 2-3 has been extremely eventful nonetheless, you can imagine-- New Year, Christmas, new research agency, new colleagues, night classes and social activities in-between. I can't share all of it. I don't remember most of it except for those which are inconvenient to say.

Yesterday browsing at the Borders bookstore, I came upon an interesting title at the counter. It reads 'Everything Men Knows about Women' by some Dr Jack Something. Ahhh...sounds interesting since i think a lot of men secretly knows alot more but like to feign ignorance. Curious, I picked it up only to discover that all the pages are blank....thinking it was some sort of a bad printing error, I was getting ready to alert the cute counter boy. But just to be sure, I picked up a second copy--that was blank too....AND THEN IT HIT ME. (told you the lights weren't on that day). But I had a good laugh nonetheless. Somebody's idea of a joke. Very clever. I really like it....

(Trust all of you have been well. )

Let's join hands to give a collective middle finger to all the bad drivers in the world

Bad drivers is not a new phenomenon here in Singapore- you know who they are- fickle-minded drivers, last-second lane changers, no-signallers, speed demons, tail-gaters, road hoggers, impatient drivers, road blockers, drunk drivers and those who can't give way- they are a road hazard in themselves!

I consider myself quite fortunate to be sitting here and blogging after a car accident last night. Sitting at the rear of my friend's car last evening, we were travelling on the expressway when the car in front of us cut into our lane and stopped sudddenly in the middle of the highway. To avoid hitting him, my friend hit his brake hard only to be knocked hard by the cab behind - subsequently, causing a big pile-up jam for the cars behind.

Of course, as rear passengers you can almost imagine our rattled nerves although very thankfully, we were relatively unscathed otherwise. The boot of my friend's car was quite gone though. It was all crumbled behind and we barely made it through the highway before my friend had to call for the repairs and insurance. To make things worse, the driver (in front) responsible for all that mess sped off in a case of brake-and-run. We took down the car plate number though.

The point is, driving on congested road conditions is stressful as it is without bad driving habits. it's also why i sometimes avoid driving on unfamiliar roads and try to plan my routes in advance. (For the record, I drive my brother's car- Singapore is one of the most expensive places in the world to own a car and I don't plan to pay the government more than i already am) I'm not so much a planner-- but i'll rather do that then get cold feet on the roads. It's not fun at all.

I think if drivers work towards a safer and more considerate road culture, accidents and road rage (again a growing trend) can be greatly reduced. Alot of road accidents are entirely preventable-- you'll agree there are 101 better ways to die. But before that, here's a middle finger to all the bad drivers out there and a double for the car infront of us last night.

fuzzy logic 5-excuse me, am i in the right place or is this an office?

Question:Why do girls have pink fluffy mirrors right next to their desktops?

Do they stop to check their reflection halfway through a report or do they stare at themselves while working? Whichever way, your reflection is unlikely to have changed from the time you left home and reached the office. This is a puzzling phenomenon. The thought of using a mirror as a spying tool however, is worth contending. Imagine you can use a mirror to check on the colleague on your left and on your right, or your boss when he's striding along the corridor- and if you are a guy, you can put it on the floor and wait for your hot boss in hot skirt to pass by, all without having even to turn your head.

Question: Why do people stuff their desks with soft toys, cushions, key chains and all things cuddly? A desk is a desk. It'll not turn into a bed no matter how stuffed it is. Unfortunately.

Question: Why do people stack piles and piles of documents and files on their desks? While I think it creates a false atmosphere of busyness and importance, it can be a great way to barricade yourself out of sight with the Great Wall of Files and Documents and maybe even from that sleazy spy with the pink fluffy mirror.

born on the 31st of Oct

HAPPY HALLOWEEN....AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! haha...2 dozen years old and still hopelessly SHAMELESS! Nat, you're shameless! My mother said my birth was a trick. I was born to scare. How could that be? Try telling her she's wrong. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! It's a treat positively. It's my mother's gift to the world and beyond.


Happy Halloween people- have a blasting good time!!!

fuzzy logic 4- What the fuck did he just say?

At the time when i was in primary school and perfect score for spelling was a trendy thing to do- i was quite into words. I decided one day that I will learn a new word that 1. nobody knew the meaning to, 2. nobody knew how to spell and 3. was at least 3 syllable long. so that was a morning and as i was brushing my teeth, i saw that word in front of me- on the toothpaste tube- under 'ingredients' was the spectacular word- MONOCHLOROPHOSOPHATE- and hence was the birth of the new secret word that only I knew how to spell and understood.

I rehearsed that word in my mind for weeks and fantasized about the day that my teacher would ask the class who knew how to spell MONOCHLOROPHOSOPHATE or maybe ask who knew what it was. of course, in my fantasy-and fantasy was made up of different stuff then- i would be the one to shoot my hand and spell out the sacred word while the rest of the class look upon me in awe. To spell a word like that- wouldn't that just blow their mind?? What else can Nat not spell?

Days, weeks and months passed- and never once did my teacher proached anywhere near the subject. Nobody cared what the hell MONOCHLOROPHOSOPHATE meant. It was a useless word. So there at the tender age of 8 or 9 i learnt my lesson- big words don't matter when no one understands what the fuck it is. My time is really much better off learning vulgarities- at least it is cool, funny and almost always bring my point across. They are far more effective than the useless MONOCHLOROPHOSOPHATE.

Fast forward a dozen more years- in my work and at school i realised to my pride and horror that there are people out there in their 30s who have not yet learnt what a whizkid (ME! ME!) picked up at 8. An ex-colleague once told me how his boss would make everyone sit around the table and search for highly impressive words in a dictionary to include in her business report. She would make her team members sit for hours just finding those words.

My lecturer does that all the time too. He's a word flasher- every so often, he would drop a big-time vocabulary, far bigger than his threshold- pause for effect and then tell the class 'if i'm using too technical a term, let me know so I can explain.' -if it's so technical and he suspects we might not understand it, why use it? I would be far more impressed with someone who can describe complex terms in a layman's language, thank you very much. Luckily for us, no one humored him.

I suspect this is why legal documents are always cluttered with bombastic words- to con people. The idea is to get us lost in a mirage of big, impressive lingo mambo jumbo so that we feel harassed and can't be bothered other than to sign above the dotted line. God I hate lawyers/real estate/financial agents. Their job titles should really be 'conman/cheater/liar/fraudster.

My mother is very clever even if she didnt clock in the hours in school. Her lessoon- never wear a hat too big for your head- had stood the test of time. I wish I could tell that to the business woman, the lecturer and anyone else obsessed with big words they don't understand.

By the way, I came across a new word today called 'fucktard'- i don't know exactly what it means but it sounds very funny and i think it's short for 'fucking retard'- God, that's offensive. It takes a wicked sense of humour to come up with a word like 'fucktard'. what do you think 'fucktard' means?

::random::

and.i.want.to.say
nothing fancy
just that
you've changed me
time.books.places.songs.people.you
live large
you're an experience
that will not fade
spark in your window
of soul
i can get lost
in the sweet song
silver blue
of your world
look at me
can you come close
closer
hello stranger
can you keep a secret
garden of thoughts

fuzzy logic 3- the power gas station

All of you deserve an Up Yours for your great responses to fuzzy logic 2- we know now what they said about pens and swords aren't true. Remember always that the hand is mightier than the pen and the sword combined.

I want to tell you next about a man I saw at a bookstore sometime ago. Sorry girls, he was neither handsome nor striking- actually I don't recall his face except that he was tall, lanky and reading some mag (maybe porn) in the bookstore. What stuck in my mind was that he had let out a giant mother of a fart in the very crowded bookstore. It was embarrasing listening to it. And because I was standing within spitting distance of him (although I did not spit at him), I wanted so badly to laugh aloud. I wished somebody did just that- people should just politely acknowledge it- it may not be glamorous but farting is a way of life. Everybody farts, even babies (especially babies!). At least it's not one of those silent potent farts you wonder came from who and where that can knock the wind out of you. No! Instead, the people simply looked up from their books, scattered in all directions and returned to their books. As if what they were reading was that engaging. They were definitely pretending to read.

God bless you if you were ever caught in the same predicament as this guy- because contrary to popular belief, the ground will NOT open up and swallow you. You'll be firmly rooted to the ground- so if ever, you leak out the silent killer fart in a social setting- always, and remember always, to feign ignorance. Be oblivious, pretend it didn't exist, deny it vehemently, shake your head vigourously, say it wasn't you, say you've the flu, you can't smell anything- leave the situation ambiguous and act blur. Because if you own up, God bless you again, your friends will never, ever let you forget it. 12 years down the road, they will bring up your phenomenal fart at a gathering, party or maybe even tell your kids- because you see, making you look silly makes THEM, look cool.

If however, it was clearly audible, face the music bravely, own up first and then justify it. Do it like my brother does with a sweeping 'it's very healthy you know, this farting thing.'- Pretend that you're confident enough to laugh at yourself even if deep down, you just want to die. Just pretend- most people can't tell the difference anyway.

I don't know what happened to that poor chap in the bookstore. I'm sure he's still alive and still farting- I wish he'll never have to go through that again. Actually, it's biologically possible to withhold farts- just as one could withhold pee and poo- but maybe because he was reading at the same time- which would require him to multi-task, a skill that is predominantly feminine. Men can't and don't multi-task. it's too complex. If they look like they are, they are as usual, just pretending. Poor guy- there was really no way out for him- he has to live with it and the fact that somewhere, someone, is actually evil enough to blog about him...

fuzzy logic 2- the art of sign language

Thanks for all your fucking candid responses to fuzzy logic 1. This goes to show that people who read compassionat are all really 1) sophisticated, 2) funny and 3) selective with their reading materials- indeed all of you will most certainly have a bright future ahead.

People may not be good spellers but they are very creative with vulgar words. just think of the word 'fuck' objectively, i know it's hard but just try- there's the person 'fucker', the adverb 'fucked up' the adjective 'unfuckinglybelievable' - and that's just one word we're talking about. i'm sure if you really crack your head, you'll find one other vulgarity you can do the same to. The next person i talk about bring profanities to a new league and you'll love her for that. I'm sure we've all had friends whom we never had to exchange a word and still feel we are really one and the same--by virtue of osmosis, you effectively read each others' thoughts. The fucking ties that bind.

Mitch (her fake ID so as not to ruin her life) and I have really this weird vibe going. She doesnt talk too much. when word fails her, as they always seem to, she use 'gestures' on me- just to name a few that I've been subjected to-- this includes the 'Up Yours', 'Rise of the Third Finger', 'CB' (don't ask me to explain that, i'll have to shut this down) and some other crude ones we should broadly classify as 'Unmentionables'. So we don't talk too much-- we just use the space between us-- to gestulate profanities at each other. It's like vulgar kungfu and we invent so many new moves Bruce Lee would pay to learn from us. It's very useful because it disarms your opponent without you needing to lose a strand of hair.

Mitch also gestulates at non-living things such as her PC. when she thinks I'm not watching, i'm actually eyeing her from the corner of my eye and i see her giving the PC the 'Rise of the Third Finger' and 'CB'--i always break out laughing when i see her doing that. i think that she has effectively reached the point of no return. Of course, publicly, she's a sweet angel--the one with the doe-eyes who would never kill a fly. Never in a million years will Mitch perform her stunts infront of anyone else. How could she....people will accuse her mother of doing a bad job bringing her up. Tis is socially unacceptable! or the all-time fave- you're a GIRL! But Mitch is really just being herself. She is a small man trapped in a small girl. People should just accept her-alot of warts and all.

(Mitch knows that i've blogged about her and thanked me for glorifying her.)

fuzzy logic-1 (i do not take responsibility of any ill feelings you may develop after reading this)

Hello all, sorry i was out of action. I was previously stuck in a pile of shit as high as the former twin towers and I am so glad i'm so out of the fucking mess that i was in and i can already smell better days ahead. forgive my language--actually you don't have to- i want to know what it would be like if i were to throw all my manners out of the window and into the drain. And i think that it would be healthy once in a while to loosen the jaws muscles and shoot off your mouth and talk in a fuckingly vulgar and outrageously obnoxious manner. it's good to be politically incorrect. if politics is a pack of lies, then technically, to be politically incorrect is to speak the truth. Does this make any fucking sense to you? Listen, before you think I've fucking lost my senses, think again- I've not. I'm just conducting an experiment to see how people would react-- to hear someone they know to be awfully polite--and to have a blog like COMPASSIONAT speak like that?? (gasp! this is fucking unforgivable)--But of course that is not true--I'm still really a fucking nice person. But i just wanted to test reactions and see how people would react if someone they acted out of the norm--this is purely experimental. don't take it too seriously ok? And don't come msning me to check if i'm fucking alright cos I am. Now imagine if teachers spoke like that in class, you'll reallly have a class of fucking attentive students. Of course, the downside is that you'll breed a classful of filthy-mouthed kids- now, we won't want that would we?

The other experiment i always wanted to try was to spell all my words wlongly and cee if peeper can slill make cense of my clap. most of the time, they slill do. peeper are reallie smart. some peeper more tlan others but genellary we are all interrigent beings. infact you could have no cense of sperring and slill have peeper unlerstand perfractly what you ar talking about it lenders the written word ledundant.

Finally, the last experiment i wanted to conduct--but i can't anyway because i left the night safari 3 years ago-was to give a really vulgar tram commentary. see i was a tram commentator and i always thought, how nice it would be to just capture the expression of a person when you speak in another tongue-one very different from the way you look.

The commentary would have been something like that: good evening fucking ladies and fucking gentlemen. Welcome to the world's first fucking night safari. Before we began the ride, i've three fucking rules to share with you....Now wouldn't that be original? Or would that be suicidal? But to see that scandulous look on all the guests' face and have that stunning commetary forever embedded in their memories? Priceless. The night safari, by the way, is a great place.

Now, this feels so fucking good it's thereaupetic. Go on. Try this at home.

(Think back now what was the first thought that came into your mind when you heard me talking like that?) Apologies if you fell off the chair reading this-- because the Nat you know is polite to a fault. I'll bet you 2 posts that you've forever changed the way you thought of me--although it took me 2 years to make you believe that i really am a sweet angel. Gee, the things i do in the name of research and experiment).

Crikey! you are dearly missed!

Watching the marathon tribute to Steve Irwin last night on animal Planet, it finally dawned on me what a great, funny, genuinue and intelligent conservationist he was-in short he was a rare breed. His passion and ethusiasm was so infectious i felt immediately connected to this man- watching him on TV, his larger-than-life persona it really is hard for me, and anyone for that matter, that the great Steve Irwin is dead- even using this word is difficult. Here's a man who really embraced life doing what he loved most while at the same, educating the public in the hope that one day, we could play a role in nature's conservation. He has forever changed the way people thought of animals. There will never be another who can match his personality, his passion and the profound effect he has on animal kingdom and to those who have watched him. Beyond that, he really was a very special man who lived and walked his cause. My most heartfelt condolences go to his wife Terri, his family and those who have worked with him. Carry on his good work and let's keep his spirit alive!

did you forget to be nice?

did you forget to be nice today? It's so easy to forget that isnt it in the hectic, frenzied context of work. I wish i could say this to someone at work...infact, i wish i could tell her that everyday for the pass few weeks. To tell her that it's nice sometimes to be decent to another person, as a matter of courtesy from one human being to another. It drives me crazy having to put up with that kind of bitchiness at work.

Don't forget to be nice today.

Zidane you ironhead and man of steel...

Why you did what you did is beyond me. But you always have the benefit of my doubt. What a charmer!

Mobile Blogs

Dear bloggers,

Calling out to all bloggers and techno-geeks, I would like to hear your opinion on this.

Can I have a quick show of hands how many of you here have heard of mobile blogs- posting entries and pictures via handphones? During my research for blogging, i briefly came across this feature and would like to find out more. I believe mobile blogs are currently available in some countries i.e US but users are still a relatively niche group. Correct me if i'm wrong.

Has anyone ever tried using mobile blogs? What are the pros and cons of such a service? For those of you who have never heard of such a service, is it something you would like? Personally, I don't think I would take so well to the service since my entries are often too long to put thru a mobile phone. But that's just me. I'm still new to this whole concept and I would like to hear more takes on this. That's where YOU come in. Let me know!

Thanks guys!